I spent almost two days in silence at the end of March with the intention of doing that every two weeks going forward. I used to have the habit of 24 hours of disconnected quiet time every week, and it was a holy practice. Then life got crazy. Brenda got sick. I was in Phoenix much of a year. I sold my house and moved a mile south. Now that house has been sold and I’m packing to move to Georgia. Time for extended silence has been, and still is, in short supply. But in those two days, a gift to myself, I connected with my misty people, gained some important insights, and was able to quiet the wild thing that lives in my skull.
Over the time my little dog and I were alone in a cabin at Keystone Lake, a great peace came to the fore. It was delicious. It still is, because it has lingered, even now, even with the chaos. And how could it not? It is ALWAYS inside of me, always present, the great pool of Who I Am-ness so very patient, despite being layered with the busy-ness of daily life. It’s just BE-ing, there in my core, waiting to be tapped. I’m never *not* that. You either. It’s just that who we are gets cluttered up with this being human thing and it distracts from the ever-present peace within.
The morning we were to leave the cabin, Boo (my angel dog) and I were sitting at the kitchen table watching the sun rising over the trees. The glow of it really caught my attention. I softened the focus of my eyes a bit, which made little rays shoot out around the rim of the golden ball.
And then, for some reason, I extended my hands toward that light. As I did so, a ray shot out of the front of the sun — toward me! — and fired brilliant light into the palms of my hands as I held them together.
While I am sure it was an optical illusion of some kind, I also know it was a message because as the light hit my hands, I heard the words, “Yes, you are always the light. Always.” It was what I’d been working on in my quiet time. I’ve been taught to ask in meditation the most important question ever: Who am I really? Am I truly that Light, and is all that we experience in this realm created of that too? Are we really consciousness manifesting in every aspect of what amounts to a play? Spirit, please show me.
I spent a lot of time thinking about my loved ones in spirit in those two days, and I strongly sensed their presence. I wrote love letters to Mike, to my parents, to Brenda and Grace, who left just two weeks after Brenda died. I included “I forgive you” messages and “forgive me” requests. I invited them all to join me in front of the fire, read the letters, and burned them. I broke silence with laughter when the combined heat and flame of those missives set off the smoke detector.
The quiet time was intentional, an effort to recommence an old, healing practice. But it was also a time of remembering. Last year at the same time as my quiet days, late in March, I was on a cruise down the Pacific coast of Mexico with my friend Brenda, her son, and her daughter-in-law. We were ostensibly celebrating almost a year of chemo and radiation leading to a cure of her bile duct cancer. There had been concerning but not definitive news before we left, so while we did celebrate a lot, there was still anxiety about what was coming.
We had a marvelous time on that trip, revisiting some of my old stomping grounds (and swimming waters) from when my husband and I had hung out south of the border and creating new memories in new places (whorehouse tour of Puerto Vallarta, anyone?). And then we had an unexpected encounter with whales in Cabo San Lucas.
It was the end of whale season in Mexico with most moving north by the end of March, so we had low expectations of our excursion to see those most amazing of God’s creatures. To our surprise, however, there were a couple of whales far off, spouting and arching through the water. That was quite a thrill to me, never having seen a whale of any kind before.
Still, halfway into our trip, the urge for more. I started asking Mike, my mom, daddy, all of my angels and guides, to send us something notable. I didn’t know that at the same time, Brenda was asking Mike and Harry the same thing (Harry, husband of our friend, Patty, and though Mike and Harry didn’t know each other in skin, they’re buddies in spirit, connected by our loving friendship on this side).
We rocked along over rough seas for a bit, and then a shout from above, “whales at 10 o’clock!” And what we saw at 10 o’clock — only 25-30 yards away — was a trio of whales arching through the water.
Suddenly, the one on the far side breached. It lifted entirely out of the water, an immense 30 ton humpback. It was such a magnificent sight, such a shock, that I screamed. Really, I couldn’t believe it. It was a National-Geographic-worthy visual. Then the one in the center sent up a spout and rolled. Finally, the one closest to us lifted the entire rear end of its body out of the water and slapped its tail hard as it came down.
This alone would’ve been remarkable and a treasure to remember, but what happened next was stunning. The three leviathans repeated the same sequence over and over and over so many times we lost count. Somewhere around the fourth or fifth repetition, I quit screaming with each breach and just hung over the rail with my mouth open.
It was so clearly an intentional display. The three of them paced the boat in their original 10:00 position, never deviating from the original sequence of breach – spout/roll – slap. That there were three, in repetition, was significant to me for another reason. In my early experiences with Vipassana meditation, Mike once tapped three times, hard, on my chest. It was so shocking and so physical, that I raised my blackout mask to see who else was in the room. No one. Sleeping dogs. And then a vivid, full color image of him smiling at me, looking the picture of health, and a warm wash of love from his heart to mine. A year later, with an excellent medium, he took credit for that. “Yes, that was me, tap-tap-tap on your heart, three times for I. Love. You.”
But the whales’ display went on and on, in sequence, until finally our captain announced that we would have to turn back. Time was up. Can you imagine what happened next? If you are aware of the myriad ways spirit can show itself, perhaps.
The center whale suddenly turned on its side and waved its enormous flipper. Literally waved. As in “goodbye for now” waving. It sank down into the water only to rise again and wave its flipper. Sink, rise, wave. Sink, rise, wave. It was repeated again and again and again.
When it finally ceased waving, I said a little prayer. “Mike et al, if this is really you, just one more breach, please?” Always the skeptic, right? After even this, I was thinking “okay, that was kickass, but prove it.”
And in an instant, the waters parted and a 30 ton creature was again airborne. One more breach, lifting my heart as it sailed into the air. I could hear my people, their voices in my head: “believe.”
I sought expert advice from a top notch evidential medium as to whether this could actually have been something accomplished by our loved ones in spirit. The response from a pro was, “possible, probable…” it reminded me of Suzanne Giesemann’s and Susanne Wilson’s separate experiences of hearing that spirit operates birds as if by remote control, “and the birds think it’s fun!” That magical thing happened on two separate days in Gary Schwartz’s research lab at the U of AZ, before the Suz/sannes had even met one another. But birds are a few ounces of fluff and bone. Thirty tons of whale could be a different story.
So a day after our return to Phoenix, in our online mediumship development circle, Mike popped in. Two dear friends, both accomplished mediums, Sandy Soulsister and Nina C., picked up on his presence at the same instant.
He was there to take credit for that spectacular display. “Yes! We did that. Don’t doubt it for a minute!!” And what a delicious thing that was. Absolute KNOWing when it was happening (because you really can feel when it’s a message), and then asking for and receiving confirmation. What a gift.
If that were not enough, Mike, dead nearly six years by this time, had started secretly hanging out with my friend Jayne, working with her to create one of the loveliest birthday gifts I’ve ever received. Jayne is a healer and the high priestess of our little soul family. Her account of the making of that video, of sitting with and taking direction from my husband, is remarkable:
I said, “Mike, I don’t have many photos to work with to create a video for Lynette’s birthday.” Mike said, “Lynette has a second Facebook page. Look there for more photos.”I searched and said, “Wow. Lynette really does have another Facebook page under Cly.” I started to look at photos. Mike said, “Choose the manatees. These photos will mean a lot to her.” I copied the two manatee photos.Mike said, “I would like photos of our home in Mexico.” I copied many sunset photos of Mexico. I asked Mike what photos of himself he would like and we chose a few. He wanted the Grand Canyon photo. I said, “I thought we were going with a water theme.” Mike said, “We will work it out.”During our Souls Awakening first session on Zoom (04/01/18), I was listening to Lynette and Brenda tell their whale story and how they were so excited watching the whales, that they forgot to take any photos. I thought I need to recreate the whale scene for them.The following evening (04/02/18), I looked for humpback whale photos and I copied some photos from the internet. I asked, “Mike, are these whale photos correct?” Mike said, “Yes, no, no, yes. Look at the background. This photo looks like it is from Hawaii. Find photos that are only blue ocean and blue sky, with no land in the background, so it looks like their experience in Mexico.”I said, “What about this photo of the whale with the white underside? Is this a humpback whale? The other whales have gray undersides. I don’t want to mess up the video and have a different kind of whale in the video.” Mike said, “Yes, this is a humpback. This whale looks like the small whale that waved.” I said, “Oh, cool. Thank you. I’ll add this whale in that portion of the video.”I asked, “Mike, what song would you like at the end for Lynette’s video?”Mike said, “I’ve Loved You For a Thousand Years.”
Rereading that now I’m again covered with the same intense shivers as the first time I read it. My guides and parents, my husband, Brenda and Grace, all of my misty people are shouting at me, “trust this! you KNOW this is true!” And I do. That beautiful birthday message provided even more proof ~ irrefutable evidence ~ that there is no death, only life in a different form.
Our loved ones are right here, right now, surrounding us with love and sending gifts to assure us of their presence. I am the Light. They are the Light, and you are that Light too. So are the whales, my little dog Boo, the bird messengers, the butterflies, the cloud images, the feathers and coins and so, so much more.
Every single thing our people use to send us messages, it’s all created of the One Thing in existence. Light. Love. Joy. Is-ness. Call it what you want, we are that One Thing, playing out roles for experience, for growth, and yes, even for fun. Our souls know that no matter how it appears to our human forms, all is well. It can be no other way. The fire on a theater screen doesn’t burn down the building no matter how real it appears. At the core, we are glowing, alight with pure Love, absolute Peace, and a heavenly, pervasive Joy.
The whales’ performance told me that. My husband confirmed the message. The sunbeam in my hands was a promise that nothing has changed in the last year, despite everything changing. It’s so hard sometimes to quiet the roar of earthly life, but when we do, it’s all right there: comfort, assurance, certainty, unbreakable connection. Reason to relax and just be. Truly, all is so very, very well. We are safe, held in a love beyond what we can comprehend in our humanness. Trust. Everything’s okay, even when it doesn’t feel like it.
And a little magic with this post: after finishing it up, I left the house, started my car, and the Bluetooth/iPhone connection playing from the speakers? A Thousand Years by Christina Perri, the very song my husband chose for my birthday. And the video at that link up there? Hands, holding flame, holding light. AND an ocean horizon and even more delicious, a sunset-on-the-ocean scene that looks just like the view from our house in Mexico. I love this life. I hope you do too.