In Florida a while back, I’d just finished my morning swim and was sitting in the sun admiring the magnificent trees in back of my sister’s place.
I closed my eyes for a moment to focus on the warmth and there was a sudden swirl of white fur and husband. They were all mixed up, my little Boo* and Mike, and the feeling that came with the vision was joyous and comforting.
When I found this Rumi quote years ago, I hung onto it though I was wrecked by grief at the time. Death would bring relief from this devastation? If true, I couldn’t wait.
What I didn’t know was that there could be a (living) death of old ways of thinking, of thought patterns that kept me sleepy and miserable.
To wake up to the truth in this human life is to know our loved ones are always with us, to feel the ongoing presence of a husband, a little dog, and know they’re not lost to me. They can’t be. Ever.
And yes, it’s to wake up laughing, because coming to know the truth is so spectacular, it changes everything. Death to the old human paradigm. Hello to living in This-Awareness. And thank you. Thank you to my parents, to Brenda, to Grace, Ann Marie, and Sherri. Thank you to Mike and to Boo, my teachers who’ve gone before me.
Not too long ago, in the midst of a long chat with a friend (Raven💞), Mike came through saying, “I want you to experience me as I am now.” In meditation a couple of days later, I asked him to show me, and there was a sudden burst of light. It was pink and blue and pulsing with aliveness. Immense, all encompassing, pure love, and in the midst of it, Mike-ness. Always that, and so much more.
As are we all.
So very grateful today for this knowing, this certainty. I’d never have imagined such joy could arise out of such pain.
Nine years ago today I heard the last beat of my husband’s heart. It was profound, ruinous, crushing.
That silence. I thought it was the end.
Mike Cly, 8/8/1952-9/23/2012
*Boo, the second love of my life, went Home July 16.