luv ya, really

It’s just a little thing, but I bought a small 1930s drop front desk a few weeks ago. The one I had, a cute little antique spinet desk, was charming, but perpetually cluttered because it was always open.

I’ve been working at the new one daily for weeks. I’ve looked it over pretty carefully but not until today did I see the very faint words “Luv ya” impressed into the mahogany top.

I laughed out loud when I saw it. Then I looked again to be sure. One of my few fights with my husband Mike in the course of 20+ years was over the words “Luv ya.”

It was early in our relationship and he was a sweet man, prone to cards and flowers for no reason. We’d been out gardening and I came in to find an envelope on my dresser. I opened it with a feeling of happy anticipation. As usual, he had taken the time to compose a loving sentiment in his own words.

And then my heart stopped. He’d signed the thing, “Luv ya, Mike.”

LUV YA? My soulmate, the love of my life signed a card to me with LUV YA?? That’s what kids put in valentines. It’s the casual signature of friends. It’s not how Mike signs off on a card for me.

He came in the house expecting hugs and kisses only to find me sobbing in our bed. (I have to admit, the level of drama was likely due to a bit of PMS in play.) He was completely shocked. “What’s wrong, baby? Are you hurt? Are you okay???

And I told him. I told him how outrageous it was to get a LUV YA from him, how it broke my heart, how I was clearly wrong about us. I went on and on and on, while he assured me he really meant I Love You!, he just hadn’t realized Luv Ya wasn’t the same. Never again, you know how I feel about you, so sorry, so sorry, really.

After I’d recovered, over time, we would laugh about it, cracking ourselves up repeatedly with what turned into a delicious joke.

So on my desk, today, LUV YA in very faint letters which caught my eyes like a beacon. His words from 1993 incised in my desk top and acting like a magnet to snag my attention. My little dead husband also came in to our weekly mediumship circle a few days ago, cutting up and laughing and joking around, urging us to lighten up a bit. It was a great message, and timely. This is too.

The words unfurled in my mind just as he’d say them, and I felt them resonate in my heart. “Don’t take it all so seriously, honey. It’s going to be okay. Keep laughing. Stay connected. You’re all going to be fine — one way or another, you’re going to be okay. Luv ya, Mike.”

All is well, sweet hearts. It’s going to be all right in the end, and if it’s not all right, it’s not the end. Take good care of yourselves. Luv ya. Really. Lynette.

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