Bad news: I wasn’t my mom’s favorite. She loved us all equally while recognizing how very different we are. She celebrates the closeness her three daughters have and feels it intensely when we laugh together. More about that later. But that news came from a spontaneous reading with Suzanne Giesemann, intended to bring through our mutual friend Brenda Baker.
That happened. Brenda, who’s been missing in action for some time, and who was our very dear friend and, after her death, Suzanne’s mediumship guide, sort of bowed out. I’ve had a few signs from her, have felt her at times, but Suzanne said that she pretty much vanished about a year ago.
Since we were going to be together, I asked Suzanne if we could sit and try to connect with Brenda. Playing with spirit is a blast, and this felt like play. No pain or confusion or grief to resolve. Just “Come out, come out, wherever you are.” And that’s what we wanted to know. Where have you been?? Whatcha doing now? Why the ghosting?
She showed up and was her sassy self. She had lots of information for Suzanne about the work she’s doing to bring Love to the world. She mentioned the Zsa Zsa Gabor / Feather Boa Story that was the most astonishing piece of evidence Brenda provided 24 hours after her death. At one point she laughed and said, “Oh by the way, Ty just got some chocolate,” which indeed turned out to be the case and proves not only that spirit sees everything but that a sense of humor is one of the delicious aspects of being in that state. We don’t lose it. Laughter is one of those “fruits of the spirit” that church book talks about, falling under the bigger category of joy. It’s eternal and no doubt even more prevalent absent our human suits.
We were winding down and I said, “hey Brenda, do you see Mike?” In the too short years Brenda and I had together, she requested endless stories of my sweet husband Mike. She loved hearing about the kind of loving relationship that had eluded her in life.
Suzanne’s head turned immediately left. “He’s right here.” Of course. It was Brenda whose death really cemented the concept that there is no place to go, no other place to be. Everything is right here, right now, everpresent, and that means all of our people too. So who shows up in any given moment is just a matter of connection and what’s needed or wanted at that particular moment. When Suzanne channeled Brenda two days after her death, that was also my question and I will never forget her response. “Oh yeah, he’s right here, and Harry’s* here too. Now I get why you love him so much.”
Our people do not leave us. They may leave our awareness and we can work to get that back. To a degree. Mostly an unsatisfying degree. It’s hard to give up constancy. It activates all of the why’s and a sense of unfairness and that deep, irreparable feeling of having something stolen from us.
It isn’t the same. I wish I could say it was. But for many of us ~ me included ~ what comes after grief can bring incredible gifts. That is absolutely true and I am so very grateful it’s been my experience that after a long time of the most hopeless misery, I found something that helped and healed not only my broken heart, but a fear of death that held me captive for decades. Not everyone heals in that way, which is just another indicator that though we are One, we are each here for our own experiences. One way is not better than another. They’re just different.
So back to that conversation with spirit: After Brenda, Mike, then my mom, then my dad, angel dog Boo, and a mention of little Bill, my other dog child. But the reason I’m writing this is because in the *second* mention of writing by my people (first Mike, then mom, such nags), my mom said that she would have loved to write things that might have touched others as well.
Given her life, she would have had a lot to say: her mother died when she was an infant, her adoptive family was monstrous, college and meeting my dad changed her life, she loved her girls AND wished for a life in the bigger world, an outlet for her creativity. And then the fluke that lit the fuse of a thing that blew up her life. Decompensating PTSD and/or bipolar disorder, and all that came after.
Her words were gentle and encouraging and while I no longer ascribe to guilt as a guiding force in my life, I felt a little echo of something there. “You can write, it helps you and others. That’s something I would have done if I could have.” Oh Audrey. Even writing that makes me a little weepy this morning.
So this is in honor of my mother, a vivid and shining light who not only gifted me with arthritis in my hands (she actually said that, while my dad, not to be outdone with chip-off-the-old-block-ness said my toe problems come from him), but confessed that while she loves me madly, cherishes me, adores me, always did and still does, she felt the same way about my bad sisters, who weren’t nearly as malleable when it came to learning how to cook and sew, embroider, and mend.
I would laugh when I said I was her favorite, because I’ve always known I was really just the most pliable one and I actually enjoyed doing those domestic things, whereas the sisters hated them. It’s so precious to hear from her and to know that she recognizes all of us for how we are, how we’ve lived our lives, the challenges, every bit of it, and through all of it, there has been unwavering love, truly cherishing love. And presence. There is a holy enchantment in knowing that.
In AA we talk about how you have to “put the plug in the jug” if you’re going to work the steps effectively. I am doing the opposite: I’m taking the plug out of the jug on countless essays I’ve written and set aside in the last year. There’s a lot in drafts. Mediumship addiction. Contracts with spirit. Peace monks. Reincarnated dogs. So much more. My mom said “write, I would if I could,” and so it is. This ~ and more ~ will be for you, Audrey Pearl.
*Harry, our dear friend Patty’s husband, who Brenda also adored. Patty has been a bit under the weather and Brenda brought that up, asking that we let Patty know she’s been watching over. This is how it works, whether we’re aware or not, and isn’t that a comfort?
An Unexpected Mystic 
Amazing?…Not really!!🔮🌀😉
Keep writing, Lynette.❤️🙌🏻🥳
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Thank you Katy. I know. Amazing? Ha!!!
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❤️Loveeeeeeee❤️😘
Can’t wait to read next….
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Peace, Joy, Love….and don’t forget GRATITUDE”!!! For the good stuff, indeed, but also the bad stuff, the stuff we don’t understand…at least right now.
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100% the “bad stuff,” because there’s the contrast that makes the joys even more delicious. Thanks for reading. Means a lot to me.
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Thank you for your story(ies)! You have such a way of drawing me in immediately! ❤️
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Thanks so much for that, Brenda. I’m giving thanks to my beautiful mom this morning. ❤️
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I so do appreciate receiving your writings. Thank you!
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Thanks so much for reading, Peg. And this morning I’m thanking Audrey Pearl for the nudge. So grateful.
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Reading your words … always so very healing. I just love ❤️ how you put things in writing that touches me and others so deeply. Thank you.
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And you, Carol. I’ve read your beautiful words too … Thank you. 💚
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Oh Carol, thank you sweet friend. Your reading all of the blah blah blah that we’ve exchanged over the years means so much to me. Bless you.
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quadruple that!!! it all means oh so much to me as well!!! 🫂 my friend 🤗❤️
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Thank you for another beautiful piece of writing. I guess I’m one of those who just won’t ever fully believe I’m hearing from my loved ones on the other side. I have lots of stories but after a while, I stop believing my own experiences. I wish it was easier to believe they’re around me all the time. The grief has thickened over time, rather than stretching out and getting thinner. I’m in that phase where each day farther away from the last time I saw him – and the absence just gets more real. And I can’t sense him at all anymore. Maybe one day. Or maybe I need a reading. I’m not sure what it would take to convince me and shift from “wanting to believe” but doubting, to KNOWING. Knowing with every cell in my body. How I long for that. 💖
I’m glad you “found” Brenda and got to spend time with Mike and Boo and Bill too. 💖❤️🩹
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And I am so sorry, Suzanne. It’s such a huge loss. Unbearable. It really IS that. I’m far enough away that I no longer have an awareness of the enormity of it ALL of the time, but I can still land there out of the blue. One thing to remember is that our feelings aren’t facts. Whether we feel them or not doesn’t change the truth of their being present with us. LORD how I love it when they break through, but isn’t enough. Grief is like a chronic illness in that way. Never goes away. I guess the only good news I know is that as difficult as it is in life, it won’t always be that way because eventually we will get to quit breathing and then JOY will be revealed. It can feel like a long, hard slog. 💔
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Lynette-
Thank you for writing! It blesses me every time. The bittersweet, sad, funny, mystery, longing, all blended magically together is a tenderness that profoundly touches me. 🙏🏼 Grateful for the way your words melt into my heart…
Love- Jean 🦋
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And I am so very grateful for your beautiful words, Jean. “Bittersweet, sad, funny, mystery, longing, all blended magically together is a tenderness that profoundly touches me.” That right there is my hope! To express the ALL OF IT that makes up this human life, the wanted and the not wanted, highs and lows, the whole thing. It brings to mind Father (Saint) Greg Boyle’s book, “The Whole Language: The Power of Extravagant Tenderness,” and that book is truly a gift. Than you so much.
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I feel like you have been in my head laying out. You always touch a space in my heart that seems to contain some kind of serendipity or soul connection that I have difficulty putting words to. Thank you!
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We ALL have a space within us that’s connected to every other one of us, every single thing. It’s like a spider web, and that sensitive. A touch puts us on the alert. What is this? I feel it deep inside and there is our delicious connection to one another and to all that is. Soul connection. Thank YOU. 💚
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Just…..GLORIUS! Hit home for me. I had just finished watching Suzanne‘s Sunday podcast and saw your email. I somehow knew it was important for me to read. You are touching lives 💖.
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Nikki, thank you so much for that. Writing a post feels like a paper airplane off a mountaintop: I set it out to sail and have no idea how it will land or where. Your words are a gift. Bless you.
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Thank you for this, Lynette. Your writings always bring me so much peace and comfort. They are a gift for which I am deeply grateful.
There are times when I wonder if I am truly connecting or just imagining it. But then there are moments when I genuinely feel the presence of my loved ones on the other side. I especially feel it when there is a gathering of my women ancestors—my mother, grandmothers, great-grandmothers, and aunts—all seeming to be in the room with me at once.
The feeling I experience is one of such profound, heartfelt love that it brings tears streaming down my face. It’s in moments like these that I am most grateful for the gift of finding Suzanne and her team, including you.
Thank you for all that you share to help me connect. It is truly appreciated.
💙
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Please don’t wonder for another minute. First of all, when there is only One Big Love that is *everything,* then we are never not connected. What I think we’re looking for is the *feeling* of the connection. That may or may not be present ~ and your indicator is those tears, mine is shivers and often tears ~ but it is ALSO present when we’re not feeling that. It simply IS. These human suits are the most effective insulators ever invented. They cut off all but the tiniest experiences of where we come from (what we arise from, because it’s all right here, right now). If that weren’t the case, how could we ever buckle down and have the creative experiences that we wanted when we came here? We’d either have our little human circuits blown by the overwhelming nature of the Love that is our home, or we’d be so Homesick we’d be nonfunctional. We get glimpses. Like breadcrumbs in the forest. “Keep going… this is NOT all there is” and your tears, my shivers and tears, they tell us so. Bless you.
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Thank you so much for your reply, Lynette! Love it. 💙
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YES! Your words DO heal! You write with such immense compassion, even when touching on your own weakness, or that of others. A bit like I imagine our guides will do when we sum up our lives one day 😊. Compassion that makes us dare to look ourselves in the eyes. I love it. Thank you for being here ❤️
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Thank you so much for that. “A bit like I imagine our guides will do…” I am certain that there is nothing but absolute joy meeting us when we cross over. Coming to this Earth experience is such a challenge, so fraught with potential both + and not so, that any outcome is celebrated. “Your home! Well done! Tell us all about it!!!” 💚
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God bless Audrey Pearl. 💜💜💜💜💜💜
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Yes, she is a joy, my sweet mom. Thanks for reading, Barbara.
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Oh, I could not be more excited about this! Thank you, spirits, for nudging Lynette to write more. I was just looking here last week to see if I missed a post. You have so much to share, and I am excited to read. I’d watch a Lynette podcast too!
~with so much gratitude
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Oh my stars, this makes my day, hey hay. Thank you so much for reading, and for your support. 💜
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