(NOTE: If you are in full on “Wow! This manifestation stuff is GREAT!” Don’t read this. Go enjoy the ride. I’ve been there too. Things changed. As they sometimes do.)
I am still grateful that in my very first experience of the Law of Attraction / Secret / Manifest This type teaching, there was a woman sitting right behind me at Unity of Tulsa quietly sobbing.
The (young, very fit, very capable-sounding, well-spoken) man at the podium was exhorting us to use LOA to manifest! Manifest! MANIFEST!! the life of our dreams and it sounded wonderful. Magical. Could it be this easy? Even my parents had that old book, “The Power of Positive Thinking,” in the library. There was its counterpart out there in the ether too, “Think And Grow Rich!” I know there were more, but aside from adopting affirmations and a few other helps-with-retraining-my-mind in the 80s and 90s, I mostly missed the whole manifestation mania that probably started with Oprah and continues apace even now.
Thankfully, i was even then, pre-diagnosis, experiencing the wild, exciting thing that is my ADHD brain and it wasn’t long before my focus was on the weeping behind me and not the fully manifested winner at the podium.
(And another NOTE: if you’re living in your dream house, driving a divine car, money stacking up every minute, health radiating from your happy self, I am delighted for you, truly. Stay on that ride! And this piece is not sour grapes. I am also very, very, very aware of my own great good fortune.)
But the contrast between the monument to positive thinking sharing his amazing successes and the woman behind me was too much. When it ended, he asked if anyone had questions. There were a few. And then crying woman stood up.
“I have been coming to these meetings every week for over a year. I have read all of the books. I listen to recordings. I’ve taken your workshop twice. I have been unable to find a job for nine months. I’ve lost my health insurance and I’m about to lose my house. Why isn’t it working for me?”
I have a specially attuned radar for hearing the undercurrent of a lot of things we say to each other and to ourselves, and I heard: “what’s wrong with me?”
You know, because IT’S A LAW! It is a tit-for-tat, everpresent, works-when-you-work-it LAW! So if it’s not working in your life, it’s gotta be you.
The winner at the podium probably heard that undercurrent as I did. “What’s wrong with me?” and he jumped right on it. I doubt it was malicious. He was a believer, a knower. He had a 1000% certainty, supported by the evidence of his life, that this thing worked! And so he said, “You’re clearly missing something. It is a Universal LAW and it cannot fail.”
I had shifted to look at her as she was speaking, an older, plump-ish, very tired looking African American woman with streaks of gray in her hair. Then I glanced back at him. My mind said “nope,” and for that I am so very thankful.
I don’t know what happened to her ~ or to him. Did he somewhere down the road encounter the chapter of L.I.F.E. entitled: “Human: The Unwanted Stuff That Can’t Be Avoided”? You know it. Most of us do. The deaths of the ones we love, severe illness, downsizing-for-profits job loss and foreclosure, insurmountable despair, so, so much more. All of the things that can befall us in this life that no amount of happy thoughts can prevent or take away.
But still we try, yeah? It’s so uncomfortable to actually sit still with the yuck, the pain, the loss, the sorrow. To allow.
I’ve had the word “equanimity” in my mind since going to hang out with the Walking For Peace Monks (and Aloka-the-monk-dog) in Virginia in early February. Equanimity ~ “mental calmness, composure, evenness of temper, especially in difficult situations” ~ is one of their principles. The monks walked on no matter what. Brutal heat and humidity in Texas, Alabama, and Georgia, rain all along the way, bitter cold, ice, and snow in the northern states, illness, of both monks and dog. A runaway truck crashed into the line of them, and a monk was badly injured. Still, they walked.
They accepted, allowed, and in the end, were triumphantly welcomed by tens of thousands of people who were perhaps, as I was, awed by their commitment and their ability to just keep going no matter what. Their challenges and their quiet commitment changed hearts and minds and you could actually feel the love in their presence, both radiating from them AND from the crowds along the side of the road. They weren’t thinking positively, they were accepting and going on, regardless of what unfolded on their path.
I am convinced that no mantra or pretty talk will change the agonies of life, the things that are in no way positive in our human terms, and insisting that it’s so, as is so common in the Metaphysical Industrial Complex and the world in general, can be really hurtful and toxic. The mantras, the comforting tools, the hopeful sayings when something dreadful has arrived: they’re umbrellas, raincoats and they’re incredibly useful at times. They can help us stay dry in the storm, but they don’t stop the rain.
Life can simply become too much, and not by our own doing. AND we can keep going, especially if we can avoid flogging ourselves for having run aground, for our broken-heartedness.
I was talking to a friend via text about my own assertion that since so many of my loved ones have died since 2012, I have been given gifts. That really is true. My heartbreak and suffering led me to new information that has profoundly changed my life.
But let me clarify that the death, the loss, the shattered heart is not a gift. The losses have never changed. They’ve never gone away. This is another one of those AND things I harp on all the time: My heart is wrecked, now cobbled together AND I revel in my new life. It’s and, not because.
AND I recognize that this is my own experience, and not universal. As little shiny aspects of the One of Us, we’ve come here to live out this art studio of a life experiencing The Story of State-Your-Name (thanks to my friend Suzanne G for that).
Our sorrows, our heartbreaks and griefs, they’re not failures. They’re human life. We get through in whatever way we can and when we’re done here, we are celebrated with such joy, no matter what has happened. (Medium and author Claudia Milligan’s beautiful, troubled son David who completed suicide in his 40s, was met by an incredible party: “We NEVER thought you’d last as long as you did. Well done, you!”)
I’ve just been given a tentative diagnosis of a thing that, untreated, not only causes pain beyond anything I’ve ever experienced physically, but can quickly cause blindness. (I’m going to be fine!) As much as I am writing this for anyone else who’s ever felt like a failure because life’s problems have come knocking, I am writing it for myself. Because as much as I believe LOA is not a law (it is a nice tool), the moment this thing appeared there was a tiny little whisper of “Uh oh, where did I go wrong? What did I do to create this?”
And the answer is just this: I lived. It’s life. It isn’t a judgment or a punishment. I look at Louise Hay and see that similar diagnoses can be “caused” by a lack of self love, being harsh with oneself, etc. Well, I’ve definitely have had that in my life. But so have countless others who aren’t looking at a diagnosis like this. (But Louise Hay? For all of her insistence that ERRYthing can be cured if you just do X, Y, and Z, and hold your mouth right, she’s dead.)
Honestly, I think the thing that really scares us is that we’re here in this pinball machine of life for however long it lasts, and it is flat out random. Randomness is frightening. We want control, predictability, steadiness. When things are going well, the sense of control is seductive. “I’ve got this.”
We don’t even want to think of (or remember) those moments when everything irrevocably changes: the knock on the door at 2 a.m., the husband rising from a nap, gasping “I can’t breathe,” the doctor’s solemn face, and her words, “I’m sorry…”
After sharing with some friends what’s going on with me a few days ago, I was blessed to spend some time with one of them, the remarkable medium SandySoulsister.com. I talked about living in the AND space, maintaining that center allowing of what comes, and Spirit, through Sandy, pointed out that there is also a higher place to find respite when despite all efforts, my peace fails.
I’m startlingly not upset about this thing that’s come calling in my life. That may change going forward. I do strive for that line in the center of the yin/yang symbol, the sinuous flowing back and forth between joy and sorrow. And it’s possible that, while taking a massive dose of steroids, I may slide out of balance.
AND there is a comforting place of equanimity that comes from considering things from my soul’s view, which does not judge things as good or bad. As hard as that is to grasp in this art studio experience, I am convinced. “Even in the hard times, my soul is rejoicing” is a mantra delivered to Sandy by my dead mother, whose hard times were very, very, hard. That higher place is my observatory. It’s where “all will be well” really is a law and it’s not arising from vision boards and mantras. It’s not human realm. I can go there, breathe, remember to allow, and regain that equanimity that kept the monks walking, despite the challenges thrown in their way.
For me, there’s peace and freedom in what I call “having a chat with the monster” which is like what my friend Suzanne calls the US Navy’s “what if drills.” What if this happens? Or that? When I’m mired in a belief system that tells me my thoughts are determinative, I can be terrified by what shows up in my mind. Fear is not how I live these days. Thoughts are just energy, flowing as energy does.
Remembering my soul’s viewpoint that it’s all okay, I can look at the monstrous ones, take their measure, bid them goodbye and move forward without fear. I can intentionally choose something comforting on its heels, but just because I want to, not because I’m frightened into it.
The thought is not going to get me. Mostly, the worst thing doesn’t unfold. Sometimes it does. Having looked at it ~ “What if my husband dies?” “What if my child gets sick?” “What if my heart dog’s illness is cancer?” ~ I’m not taken by surprise and that counts for a lot in my experience.
We’re here, living, experiencing, because it’s different from our true Home. How can we see the brilliance of our shine unless we encounter darkness? A candle in the sunlight is virtually invisible. When darkness comes, as it will for most of us at some point, hardly any one of us will welcome it. And very rare are those who actually seek it.
Yet sometimes darkness is how we come to know who we really are. Why would we punish ourselves for “failure” when it’s just life unfolding? Truth is, we are so very loved, no matter what. We are cherished in ways we can’t even comprehend while wearing these human suits. All states of being will pass one way or another, with or without our intervention. Raincoats and umbrellas are great. Sometimes, as hard as it is to believe, so can be the rain.
“This is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Do not be afraid.” Theologian Frederick Buechner.
Peace, equanimity, trust, faith, allowing mystery: these are my touchstones in the rough spots.
Thanks for reading if you made it here. Wishing every single one of us nothing but joy (and peacefully aware that other things may come.)
__________________
I promised the lovely Sandy Serling of the Fear Unzipped Podcast, that I’d put this out here. So here it is, a conversation with this one, Lynette, and Sandy. She’s got a really great podcast with a lot of thoughtful conversations on her YouTube channel.
An Unexpected Mystic 
Wow! I love your way with words! This post was very comforting & affirming to me. I hope your eye situation has a quick & successful solution! Blessings, Jamie 💖
LikeLiked by 1 person
I am so glad, Jamie. Thank you for reading. If anything I ever write about can bring comfort to someone else, it makes my heart sing. We just keep going, yes?
LikeLike
We do the best we can! I hope you have not been too adversely affected by these recent storms!
LikeLiked by 1 person
💚🙏🏻💚
LikeLike
Lynette – The time I spend sharing in your storytelling is so enriching. Thank-you for spending the energy, focusing on what is important to you, taking us along and reminding us that life sucks – AND it’s wonderful. May the road you travel have bumps that make it interesting, but does not upend you into a ditch.
LikeLike
Yes, let’s try to stay out of those ditches. Your kind words are so dear to me. These affirmations — that telling stories can touch people and connect us — means a lot. Thank you. 🙏🏻
LikeLike
Hi Lynette For some reason I am having difficulty posting a comment so here it is:
Thank you Lynette for sharing your beautiful truth. Life is certainly a wild ride! May we all find solace in sharing our stories and in the knowing that we are so very loved. May you be free of suffering. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Many blessings~ Lisa (let it shine always)
LikeLike
And yet this lovely comment came through. Another little metaphor for life. We keep going / trying / persisting and leave the results up to the Universe. Thank you so much. 💚
LikeLike
Lynette, sending you love and showering you in the quantum field with universal healing streams of grace. You are a gifted writer. “May you live long and prosper!”😆xxxooo 💜🙏
LikeLike
I feel that! Thank you so much for this — and for reading. 🙏🏻
LikeLike
WordPress said comments were closed. This will likely bounce, but — whatever.
I continue to love your writing.
I don’t know if you’ve read Robert A. Monroe’s trilogy, but if not, it is worth it. An elder who passed in 1995, he left quite a legacy in the Monroe Institute, to which I have gone many times but no more because it has changed away from a good fit. The very last visit was the half week with your friend SG just a few years ago, her last trip there also.
But — RAM, as we call him, in one of his encounters, was told that graduates of the ELS are much respected in the Universe. Because it is so difficult here, and after we live though, surmount, and survive so much, we have a unique glow to use when done.
So when life clobbers me, as it repeatedly has, I figure that my job is to deal with it, which doesn’t necessarily mean conquer it; in the end, we leave, not having conquered that last thing. Meanwhile, we apparently toughen, each new thing one more challenge to maintain our balance.
But I look forward to my last trip and the glow.
LikeLike
Oh honey, me too. That last trip and the glow? It’s really hard to get stuck in anything being wrong here when the worst that can happen is that. It makes me laugh even now.
My dad was a Robert Monroe guy way back in the earliest days. He actually had some out of body experiences which were quite remarkable. I took the Gateway experience in Tulsa and it was interesting. Hardly a beginning I think but still fun.
I have several times found buried in the deepest recesses of the literature of the metaphysical industrial complex the concept that our souls think this is fun. When I am experiencing that clobbering, that only in rages me. On the other hand, I have gained a perspective and pretty much understand. Are we having fun yet?
Thanks so much for your thoughtful comment and for persisting even though WordPress lied to you.❤️
LikeLike
My Dear Lynette,
Now tell me how you REALLY feel? 😉 Mama says “write, little bird” and the dam broke! I loved every word, and take great heart in your remembrance of what is truly the only important thing to hold onto in life when it grabs us by the tootsies and bangs us on the rock wall, “it’s just life, and we are more loved than most of us can find realization in.
Sending love, and HUGS, and Lucy sends her licks, and a little healing energy on top
R
LikeLike
This is so precious. “Write little bird!” (And yep. Audrey named me Lynette, which in the French version means cheery little bird.❤️) Thank you for the smile, for reading, for your kind words.
LikeLike
My Dear Lynette,
Now tell me how you really feel! 😉 Mama says “write little bird” and the dam breaks!
I’m just teasing, I loved every word. I thank you for reminding us that “it’s just life” when life grabs us by the tootsies and bangs us up against the stone wall repeatedly, and that the only part that is worth remembering is that we are loved more that most of us can imagine.
Sending love and HUGS, and Lucy licks, and a little healing energy!
Your brother from another mother,
R
LikeLike
This is so beautiful. Thank you!
LikeLiked by 1 person
And thank you for reading! 💙🫂💙
LikeLiked by 1 person
Really nice sharing here. I’m so proud of you and happy for you to have come to this place! Lots of love coming
LikeLike
And there she is, my most shining, beautiful, treasured friend and spiritual teacher. So clearly on mission, changing lives (saving!), and retaining the purity of purpose that has defined your work since the beginning. Thank you for reading, my friend. I love you.
LikeLike
I know I am going to be challenged to find the words I want to have appear before you on your screen Lynette, but I’m gonna give it a shot. In many ways you and I live [physically in our human suits and geographically) what to us may seem like a very long distance apart. And yet, here you are sharing, thoughts, feelings, and understandings that parallel my own. I don’t know why I continue to be so amazed and enthralled with the way universal spirit flies around and touches each of us at that. “perfectly on time, gifted moment“. Ongoing evidence crosses my path in such a way that I cannot help but have a heart that fills to the brim, and a level of acceptance that allows me to surrender, trust, and just say yes.
I’m sending you my own version of love, light, and angels to surround you as you walk your story with a level grace and dignity to be admired and practiced. You are such a beautiful shining star. Thank you!
PS. This may show up as a duplicate Lynette and if so, I apologize. I continue to be challenged to send comments your way. Technology!
Also sending you virtual heart-to-heart hugs
Marilyn Thom
LikeLike
Dear Marilyn, if it had been a duplicate (I didn’t see it), it would have been most welcome because your words are a treasure. Thank you for your thoughts, for the acknowledgment and recognition that we are ALL connected, no matter what, every single one of us, and that it can be the most delicious thing to recognize it. Aren’t we the luckiest ones to know what we know? I mean, we’ll all get it post-breath, but HAVE MERCY, it is such a gift to know now. I appreciate your kind words so very much. And your good wishes. All will be well. Thank you for the hugs! Bless you.
LikeLike
your words ring so true for me. Trying to think positive with the monkey mind in my way. Learning to love myself over time. Thanks so much for the light that you shine. God loves us all.
LikeLike
You know what? The nde stories that just choke me up and leave me in tears are where people are so shocked and overwhelmed and utterly devastated (in the best possible way) by crossing over and being caught up in what awaits us all: a love beyond our comprehension, something we’ve never for a moment felt in this human life. Truly, it would be enough here if we just woke up each morning, jumped out of bed (or dragged, some days), and shouted TA-DAH! We’re here. We’re doing it. It’s okay AND it often doesn’t feel like it. Thank you for reading, reetar8. We are so very, very loved indeed.
LikeLike
Thank you so much. It is good to know someone understands.
I seem to have lost my emotions when my husband died with Dementia 4 years ago. I haven’t shed a tear over it yet.
We met when I was 12, married at 17 and have three beautiful angel daughters. They take very good care of me. We were married 68 years. At almost 90, I am anxious to be with him.
I do listen and know he is with me ,but I can’t feel him or my God.
I have followed Suzanne and you and Bev. (miss the trilogy). The time will come. I hope soon.
Blessings and love.
Reeta
LikeLike
Hey there my friend, I have to be honest with the first reading your blog. I wanted to yell out, “is this all there is to this life?? MORE pain and suffering? SHit gonna hit the fan MORE???? I want to just get out of here before the other (another)shoe 👞 drops!”
It took me a couple? (maybe more like 3 or 4 more) of those breathing sessions (the last one you recommended, elemental and liquid bloom…loving that one!) to finally get it. Change my perspective and make a shift.
I’ve often wondered how or why I’m so moved emotionally when I come into the awareness/presence of someone with autistim, down syndrome, those with apraxia, etc. (Why i loved the Telepathy Tapes somuch).There’s such an outpouring of love I feel in my heart and it’s been that way for as far back as I can remember when I was a LOT younger… back when they called “these people” with special abilities, “Idiot Savant” (So glad they dropped the “idiot” over the years). Maybe it’s because, like those trapped inside themselves for decades, no one knew of their abilities, gifting, spiritual awareness, etc. until it came out in spelling boards or someone got up in the night and played Chopin perfectly while the parents slept and woke up hearing that for the first time. I was also thinking about the emotional/mental anguish I’ve had over 3-4-5-6 (nearly 7now) decades before I felt heard, seen, understood and could even be allowing of that to ever come into my life and see myself in that way as well. Do I want to continue to brush past pain and continue on my way in that thinking? So I reread your blog and it’s another one of those AND things you talk about. No way! I never want to forget that pain or gloss over shit like it never happened. Because It DID happen. AND I really was in a LOT of pain. * I remember you wrote in one email, and I really do hope I get this right; when Brenda turned to you and said something like, ‘When are we going to stop pretending I’m not dying here?’ All of the cruises or workshops you all went on after her DM session, (and if I remember she did feel great!) AND she still was going to die…sooner than later. Was all of that suffering, illness, and shitting from both ends a gift? ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOT!! Nor was the pain you had of watching a dear friend pass away right before you and caring for her to the end. OGod I hope I’m not fucking up words here. It’s such a tender delicate, yet very rough description of what you both went through….I really won’t have a clue until I’m over the rainbow bridge what you all went through. The point is, I’ve been *chasing away pain my whole life as if it’s a disease and like there’s something wrong with me for feeling it, or like I can never get it right…this life thing. No! I do not want to EVER forget. It’s not a gift. It’s not because of, why I feel compassionate with those who are unseen, unheard, not understood, etc. AND I feel overwhelming love ❤️ from my heart to theirs, not BECAUSE of!!!
As I’ve indicated, and maybe I haven’t totally been honest with you OR myself, but here it is… I do feel a huge shift, again, like before with the previous healing in 2021 with Debra… Yet, my hip may not heal… (did I just dare to say that?) and I really do need to stop pretending that it doesn’t still hurt….and sometimes? I think it’s worse and that I’m down to bone on bone with a protruding disc that’s pinching a nerve and now causing sciatica. All of the affirmations and positive thoughts are not changing the fact that sometimes the body just fucking wears out. We get tires changed when they wear out. Oil changes too, regular maintenance stuff on our cars. It’s built in that the body breaks down eventually… so trying to chase the pain away with creams, pain meds, positive affirmations/thinking, gratitude,(AND I am so very, very, very grateful!!!) etc, etc, etc, that’s only temporary really…. like patching up flat after flat on the bad tire on the 🚗. The missing component here, could it be ? allowing pain, and accepting it. Not as a “lesson” I need to learn….but as an experience of life, not always bliss, but we had bliss in heaven… yeah? Amaright? Maybe, just maybe, I’m coming to terms with it that this hip may still need surgery and be totally replaced…68almost70 is a long time to be going on an old beat up tire! And I’ve hiked hard, ran races hard and fast, rode hard on bikes….walked for miles and miles and miles and…well you get it… not to mention the super, slammed-to-the-ground falls I’ve had with big dogs and falling through a fake fence couple years ago. I can rejoice that I got to do all of that for as long as I did! And stop chasing away pain as if it’s going to be a monster trying to kill me! Or punished for living it up when I could! Debra indicated it could be 10 days, just an estimation, before I’m off and running or hiking again (God! I really miss hiking!!) I’m hearing 6 weeks before I realize what really needs to be the next steps (literally) that are *best for me. *I’m almost to the point I need a cane to be really fucking honest, and around the house even. Maybe I’ll wake up someday and be healed totally. I’m not ruling that out! So, AND, here I am, pain and all. Just happy I can still walk and work and do whatever I can… positive affirmation may help my mood, creams and pain meds can stave off pain…but if something is wearing out, it’s wearing out…right?
Well here goes another day at work with “Team Lead Light” duties. (TL is still at Acadamy one more day…) Later gator,after while crocodile 🐊 ha! Hey, yeah the monk who lost his leg? And keeps peaceful as he still is? Does it really change him? No! Again, it’s not because of, it’s AND he got his leg amputated.
Love ya lots, Carol
LikeLike
This one made me cry. It made me feel seen. Life is gonna life. You have a gift with words. You put to words so accurately what I can only feel. And I feel this one. Thank you, Lynette! Thank you for writing, so that I can feel seen.
LikeLike
How’s the eye/head doing? Did you get a proper diagnosis, survive the artery snipping? I’m sending you lots of love.
LikeLike