ch-ch-ch-changes

I’ve spent the summer completing the most monumental task, one I never actually dreamed I could finally put to rest. I have written almost nothing in that time but on this day that I’m finally done, this memory popped up on Facebook. It’s fitting, because two years ago when I wrote this, I’d just finished up pretty much the same work, which led to selling the house I’d lived in for 28 years.

I have A LOT to write about this summer. But in the meantime, this. And the certainty that, even this morning, as I was driving into rural Arkansas with a truck full of old treasures to leave at an auction, my (allegedly) dead people were riding shotgun, excited about the changes happening.

So a remembrance from two years ago:

A week ago, I began using a new method for inviting dream visits from loved ones. Once a week, I start asking Mike 24 hours ahead of time to come see me, drop in, show up: “let’s have a date, husband of mine.”

Saturday morning, I had a reading with the wonderful medium, Rachel Pearson — a gift to myself after selling my house — and of course Mike was there. In fact, as he’s done several times before other readings, he appeared to Rachel the day prior to our scheduled appointment.

A year ago, he rode along with Suzanne Giesemann from Tucson to Phoenix, the two of them chatting all the way as she traveled north for a small group reading. And most recently, he popped in on Suzanne as she was jogging around the track on a military base. He’s delighted and ever ready to connect and that thrills me.

So one of the many pieces of evidence Rachel brought through was Mike saying, “she has a candle by my picture next to her bed. I’m meeting her in her dreams.” Clearly I need to work more on remembering those dreams, but what a divine piece of evidence, because it is only in the last two weeks that I’ve made my home-away-from-home remembering Mike tableau with candle, his picture, and some other meaningful items.

Further along in the reading, he said “there’s a great dinner being planned,” and Rachel said “he’s showing me rice… but it’s yellow. This dinner is a big deal, but why is the rice yellow? It’s grain, it’s yellow…” and I practically shouted, “it’s CORN!” And how did I know? Because just before my reading, as a celebration of finishing another successful round of chemo, my friend and I decided we’d have lobster and this heavenly Olathe corn that’s available right now in Phoenix. As we were deciding our menu, I told Brenda it was a favorite treat Mike and I had shared often. Every Saturday in the year before he died, my sweetie would pick up a few pounds of snow crab legs and corn on the cob and we’d have a feast. He said, “this dinner you’ve planned, I’ll be sitting in a chair at the table with you, there on your left.”

Do you ever wonder if your loved ones are around? Whether they’re watching over you, celebrating your successes, or holding you when you’ve had a bad day? Who could not? The hardest thing we do in this life is say goodbye to the ones we love. Overcoming grief and finding a way to live after is a monumental task, insurmountable for some and agonizing and drawn out for most.

But imagine how it feels to hear your loved one providing not only evidence that he’s still there, but evidence sufficient to prove daily contact. To have that is the most affirming thing possible, the proof that there is no death, that love — and life — continues.

There was so much more in that reading. Mike was with me when I bought an adorable and completely impractical pair of coral shoes yesterday (“he’s showing me you bought some really cute shoes. He said they’re REALLY cute, with flowers”). He was with me during a fantastic experience last weekend with an energy healer (“I was helping! There was a lot going on!”). And he’s been standing poolside as I’m swimming at night.

He said that I feel him on my left, near my heart, where he’s always present, something which didn’t initially make sense to me. And then a sudden insight — how could I be so dense? — and remembering of the first time I felt the warmth and pressure of his touch on my shoulder six months after he died, and how I now regularly feel the deepest shivers on the left side of my body when I sense that he’s here.

He also noticed that I’ve been paying more attention to keeping my feet moisturized in this desert climate, that I’m feeling incredibly peaceful and focused and free, and that there are a lot of trips coming up and he’s as excited as I am.

If you’re wondering why I keep writing about this stuff, he mentioned that too. “You write stuff on the internet and it helps people. Do more of that.” If you’ve read this far, I hope it’s helped you in some way. Maybe it can be an inspiration to reach out to your own loved ones in spirit, or a confirmation of what you, too, have experienced. Maybe you’ll stop and be silent for a moment to thank your people for being with you, because they are. I know this is true.

I used to tell my AA sponsorees who struggled with a higher power, “for now just believe that I believe. That power will prove itself to you if you allow it.” So will our people in spirit joyfully prove to us that they’re right here if we’re only willing to believe, even just a tiny bit, and to open our hearts to the recognition that the indestructible and heavenly energy of love is eternal.

21 thoughts on “ch-ch-ch-changes

  1. Beautiful ! Interesting you have completed your big undertaking I too have put a period my my summer project as well! Good job my friend!😘👍

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  2. I don’t care if people call us cookoo. (Cukoo?) I want to hope that if Chris goes before me, I will stay in touch. Meanwhile, today is his seventh anniversary in AA. You are one of the few who will know all that that means.

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  3. I love your writing Lynette. Inspiring, honest, heartfelt – always moves me yet leaves me uplifted. Thank you beautiful spirit

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  4. Yes, do more of that, it helps. I am grateful for your honest, inspiring, spirit-filled messages of faith, hope and love. Namaste.

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  5. Thank you so much Lynette. I do find a lot of comfort in your words! Knowing this brings me much peace to face life’s challenges. And yes….as Mike said, “do more of that!” I always look forward to reading your messages.
    Much Love to you.

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  6. Yes, yes, yes please “do more of that”. I so look forward to your posts. You seem to feel the same way about Mike that I felt about my Roger. It is truly hard to find others who understand the losing of a soulmate. Although I believe, it helps to “believe that I believe”. I am holding that thought close this morning. I want that connection so badly it physically hurts sometimes. Perhaps I try too hard. I hope to meet you in person someday. You are magical. Much love

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    1. As much as it hurts now, I remind myself that I was one of the most fortunate of women, to have what we had together. Sounds like you too, with your Roger. I am so sorry for your heartache, Laura. Someone told me once that I was trying too hard and I wanted to smack her. I craved that connection, the certainty. I still want that and I know you do as well. I think we just have to stick together and hang on. My misty people are constantly shouting that this life is SO SHORT! The blink of an eye!!! But oh my, toting a shattered heart makes it feel like an eternity. Thinking of you today, sending love.

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  7. So sweet! Your writings are a statement of this Greater Reality which is being drawn and defined in my heart and in my mind. I know so little about it…
    For me, all this new perspetive about life and death is a huge transformation of my own life itself! Toughts, believes etc. Dear Lynette, I think that this is about your own mission, helping others to find confirmation, helping with your stories bringing light on to this big puzzle that sometimes is so confusing. So thankful to have met you!

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    1. And I’m so grateful to have met you! It’s so funny how that works. Thank you for reading, dear one. And keep doing what you’re doing … our broken hearts come with opportunity. Change, coming to know the truth … now is the time. Right now. xoxo

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  8. Reading your beautiful story is like comfort food for our soul. You paint it back to life in your writings, such talent. So grateful for you sharing this, it is helpful as Mike tells you. Feeling blessed. Much love to you.

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  9. I can’t begin to express the peace I felt reading your heartfelt message. I also found tears in my eyes which tells me that you’ve hit a place in my heart that is hard to penetrate. I do believe that my loved ones are with me all the time. I have difficulty staying still to meditate and pray, but when I do, I feel great peace. I’ve also had many signs that show me it is real and true.
    I was also taken aback when you mentioned your AA sponsees! I have an anniversary coming up in Oct. I loved what you said about letting them use your HP! Hope you don’t mind, but I’m going to use that! Why didn’t I think of that? I needed to read your blog for so many reasons, and that was one. Please, don’t stop writing! I agree with your husband. You helped me and gave me peace today. Thank you.

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    1. Oh Joan, what a pleasure to read your message here this morning. And happy (re)birthday! This whole (slooooooow) awakening process began for me in those rooms in 1980. What a ride it’s been. Yes they are with us. Meditating, being quiet, or not, we are swimming in a sea of love and a sea of loved ones. Never separate. It’s impossible. Thank you for reading. I’m very grateful.

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