I’ve spent the summer completing the most monumental task, one I never actually dreamed I could finally put to rest. I have written almost nothing in that time but on this day that I’m finally done, this memory popped up on Facebook. It’s fitting, because two years ago when I wrote this, I’d just finished up pretty much the same work, which led to selling the house I’d lived in for 28 years.
I have A LOT to write about this summer. But in the meantime, this. And the certainty that, even this morning, as I was driving into rural Arkansas with a truck full of old treasures to leave at an auction, my (allegedly) dead people were riding shotgun, excited about the changes happening.
So a remembrance from two years ago:
A week ago, I began using a new method for inviting dream visits from loved ones. Once a week, I start asking Mike 24 hours ahead of time to come see me, drop in, show up: “let’s have a date, husband of mine.”
Saturday morning, I had a reading with the wonderful medium, Rachel Pearson — a gift to myself after selling my house — and of course Mike was there. In fact, as he’s done several times before other readings, he appeared to Rachel the day prior to our scheduled appointment.
A year ago, he rode along with Suzanne Giesemann from Tucson to Phoenix, the two of them chatting all the way as she traveled north for a small group reading. And most recently, he popped in on Suzanne as she was jogging around the track on a military base. He’s delighted and ever ready to connect and that thrills me.
So one of the many pieces of evidence Rachel brought through was Mike saying, “she has a candle by my picture next to her bed. I’m meeting her in her dreams.” Clearly I need to work more on remembering those dreams, but what a divine piece of evidence, because it is only in the last two weeks that I’ve made my home-away-from-home remembering Mike tableau with candle, his picture, and some other meaningful items.
Further along in the reading, he said “there’s a great dinner being planned,” and Rachel said “he’s showing me rice… but it’s yellow. This dinner is a big deal, but why is the rice yellow? It’s grain, it’s yellow…” and I practically shouted, “it’s CORN!” And how did I know? Because just before my reading, as a celebration of finishing another successful round of chemo, my friend and I decided we’d have lobster and this heavenly Olathe corn that’s available right now in Phoenix. As we were deciding our menu, I told Brenda it was a favorite treat Mike and I had shared often. Every Saturday in the year before he died, my sweetie would pick up a few pounds of snow crab legs and corn on the cob and we’d have a feast. He said, “this dinner you’ve planned, I’ll be sitting in a chair at the table with you, there on your left.”
Do you ever wonder if your loved ones are around? Whether they’re watching over you, celebrating your successes, or holding you when you’ve had a bad day? Who could not? The hardest thing we do in this life is say goodbye to the ones we love. Overcoming grief and finding a way to live after is a monumental task, insurmountable for some and agonizing and drawn out for most.
But imagine how it feels to hear your loved one providing not only evidence that he’s still there, but evidence sufficient to prove daily contact. To have that is the most affirming thing possible, the proof that there is no death, that love — and life — continues.
There was so much more in that reading. Mike was with me when I bought an adorable and completely impractical pair of coral shoes yesterday (“he’s showing me you bought some really cute shoes. He said they’re REALLY cute, with flowers”). He was with me during a fantastic experience last weekend with an energy healer (“I was helping! There was a lot going on!”). And he’s been standing poolside as I’m swimming at night.
He said that I feel him on my left, near my heart, where he’s always present, something which didn’t initially make sense to me. And then a sudden insight — how could I be so dense? — and remembering of the first time I felt the warmth and pressure of his touch on my shoulder six months after he died, and how I now regularly feel the deepest shivers on the left side of my body when I sense that he’s here.
He also noticed that I’ve been paying more attention to keeping my feet moisturized in this desert climate, that I’m feeling incredibly peaceful and focused and free, and that there are a lot of trips coming up and he’s as excited as I am.
If you’re wondering why I keep writing about this stuff, he mentioned that too. “You write stuff on the internet and it helps people. Do more of that.” If you’ve read this far, I hope it’s helped you in some way. Maybe it can be an inspiration to reach out to your own loved ones in spirit, or a confirmation of what you, too, have experienced. Maybe you’ll stop and be silent for a moment to thank your people for being with you, because they are. I know this is true.
I used to tell my AA sponsorees who struggled with a higher power, “for now just believe that I believe. That power will prove itself to you if you allow it.” So will our people in spirit joyfully prove to us that they’re right here if we’re only willing to believe, even just a tiny bit, and to open our hearts to the recognition that the indestructible and heavenly energy of love is eternal.